ROSBY: Letter to an online troll – Rapid City Journal
Dorothy Rosby
We haven’t met but I’m familiar with your work. In fact, today I saw the comment you made to the young woman who’d tweeted a photo of herself smiling as she carried a plate of donuts. I won’t repeat it in case she reads this newspaper. But you’ll recall the gist was that her teeth were unattractive. It shocked me, both because…….
We haven’t met but I’m familiar with your work. In fact, today I saw the comment you made to the young woman who’d tweeted a photo of herself smiling as she carried a plate of donuts. I won’t repeat it in case she reads this newspaper. But you’ll recall the gist was that her teeth were unattractive. It shocked me, both because it was so cruel and because I hadn’t noticed her teeth at all so focused was I on the donuts.
After I read your comment I looked at her photo closer. I don’t mean to be disagreeable, but I thought she had a lovely smile. What do I know though? I’m no expert on teeth. Maybe you’re a dentist or an orthodontist and more qualified to judge than I am. All your profile says is that you like fast cars and good beer but that’s probably not your day job.
I figure you must also be a good-looking guy with great teeth so I was disappointed that you don’t post your photo. That is understandable though since you don’t use your real name for your handle—unless HeMan is your real name. If not, good thinking, sir. It’s probably best to keep your identity to yourself as long as you feel called to give your expert opinion on other people’s appearances.
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Anyway, your comment seemed a little extreme even for a handsome orthodontist with a terrific smile. So I went to that great library in the sky, the internet, to do some research on what motivates you and other online trolls.
It turns out many psychologists believe trolls have what they call the dark triad which can be very dangerous—if you insult the wrong person. The dark triad is a scary combination of three personality traits: narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism, which is characterized by manipulative behavior, unscrupulous cunning, deception and dishonesty. Ouch! I feel like a troll just describing your diagnoses. But sir, I promise never to criticize your dark triad online—if you promise never to criticize my teeth.
I’m not sure what the cure for dark triad is but I hope you’ll seek help before you alienate any more potential orthodontic patients. In the meantime, it might be best if you have a trusted friend look over your tweets. Maybe your mother would help if you don’t have any of those.
If she’s not speaking to you either, the following tips might help the next time your dark triad starts acting up.
First, if you find yourself regularly telling people who take offense at your remarks that they obviously can’t take a joke, try your next one on an actual person standing in front of you before you post it. If they laugh, tweet away. If they punch you in the gut, you might want to reconsider.
If you frequently defend your insults by claiming you’re just exercising your right to free speech, remember that while we do indeed have the freedom to say whatever we want, we also have the freedom not to say whatever we want. And don’t take this wrong, but that can be a sign of wisdom. I think you’d find it would also benefit your orthodontic practice.
In fact, when I saw your comment about the young woman’s teeth I exercised my right not to say what I wanted to say. I don’t claim to be wise though. I was just afraid of what you’d say about me.
There you have it, sir. I hope these suggestions help you get your dark triad under control. If nothing else, they may give you the courage to use your real name and photo online.
Dorothy Rosby is the author of ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate; Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand, coming in November 2022. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.
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